I’m still in my first stage of young adult noveling, and since I’m also in a stage of depression (lack of motivation), my patience is even lower, and I am not reading enough YA to write anything, so my story is at a standstill. 

But I am watching tv because that requires pretty much zero motivation, and for a young adult writer, I think Freaks and Geeks is a good thing to watch. Especially because it relates a lot to the content in my story.

Today, I read Chapter 15 of The Screwtape Letters, and it also came at a perfect time. It talked about how the past is known—therefore, we are less likely to be taken down by it than the future, which is unknown. CS Lewis states that the Present is “the point at which time touches eternity.” A quote from it is:
      In a word, the Future is, of all things, the least like eternity. It is the most completely temporal part of time—for the Past is frozen and no longer flows, and the Present is all lit up with eternal rays. 

What got me even further is when he talked about how we have either anxiety or hope for the future, and I immediately knew I had both. I am constantly hoping for the future where one day I will be known. And I worry constantly that this won’t be the case unless I act quickly, impatiently so. 

It’s interesting because I wanted to write my novel in present tense because of a similar notion. The Present is the most sacred, the most real and tangible, and I want people to connect with the story, to make it theirs.

And when I’m in the Present, I feel more important, that I have an identity outside of my skillset and ambitions. I want to shine a light on the crevices of the earth, exposing the artists who can hats out of paper and those who just know how to feel a little bit more than everyone else, even those who don’t seem to have anything to offer at all. But no one sees them because they’re too busy looking at the ones who everyone else sees.

So, for now, I’m going to try my best to find the motivation to read and write as much as I can, and in the mean time, watch lots of tv about teenagers just trying to figure it all out (like any of us really can).

Published by celinamcmanus

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